Doubt – the sneaky trickster

The energy of doubt is a sneaky trickster. Very cleverly it can lure you away from your highest good, away from love. It sounds so reasonable. The points it whispers into your ear seem to make sense. Part of you knows not to believe what it says, but very soon you get all heady, confused and disconnected. Before you know it, you are separated from love and sweetness.

Doubt always focuses how others are doing it wrong. It loves to blame people. It fuels you to be bitter and angry. And the worst part is that this energy is contagious, it can spread like a bush fire. You tell a friend your doubts, and when intelligently expressed, you get them onboard, on your side. The more you spread doubt the more validated it can feel, the stronger and livelier it becomes. The more you give it energy, the more self-righteous it gets. And off you go, further and further away from love.

There has been many times in my life that people have tried to talk me out of what I believed in or what I wanted to do. They sounded reasonable. They sounded like it was by best interest to hear what they have to say. They assured they were concerned and wanted the best for me. Yet – it was not at all for my highest good to change my own knowingness and follow their advice. Many times I just stuck in what I believed was true for me. But I sure started to doubt myself and had to work through it and clear their fears, judgements and influence from me. And there has been times I gave into the doubt and later greatly regretted it, as problems and suffering occurred. I was so sorry I had not trusted myself and had given into doubt.

Some people can be very strong and impressive in how they express their own viewpoint. It is only their own opinion, but it can sound like the ultimate truth. I am sure you know some people like this in your life! Sometimes only later you realize, that what they said was actually not right at all. It did not feel right. They were talking through their own filter, their own personal life experience, their own fears and traumas, their own insecurities – well disguised into something that looked like a confident truth. People like this can be intimidating. It is not that you need to be careful about what they are warning you about, it is them you need to be careful about. It is very important to listen to your own gut feeling, to be alert and awake, sense carefully what feels right for you.

It saddens me how judgmental opinions of another person – when cleverly and skillfully expressed – can create doubt in others. Some one’s own judgements spread out and turn into a field of hurtful, even vicious energy. This kind of energy is all about separation and in the root of it there is trauma, blind spots or just pure victim-blame vendetta. This can create so much hurt, so much separation and pain.

The power the judgmental people have is not real power. There is no love in it. It is just their own state of anger and lack of taking ownership for their own feelings, that are presented out in a sneaky, intelligent way. What a disguise! I have seen this happen first hand and seen how much pain this creates. It amazes me how people who have done years of work in themselves still can get fooled. The energy of doubt is so powerful, so convincing – please be aware.  I am not saying this lightly. It can take you off from your path, it can create trauma and bad karma.  

I am not saying this just to point out others are judgmental. This is something I need to work on myself. We all do. To be very aware of it and be core honest about our motives and vulnerabilities. And never give into gossip -negative judgmental rumors – that have nothing good to offer. Not only is it a total waste of time, but poisons our own selves and hurt the person the judgements attack. And in the bundle with all this – doubt acts like a carrier of this low vibration of energy. It spreads the poison. It increases it – if you let it.

I am going to say a few word to the doubt: “Dear doubt, I see you for what you are! You have no power over me. Piss off! Take a hike! I am not getting fooled into your games. Because that is what they are; games. They have nothing to do with reality. I am choosing to live in truth rooted in energy of love. You have no business in here. This is where I stand, in love.”

Time to wake up.Time to be brave enough to take full responsibility for our creations. Time to kick that doubt-trickster to the butt and send it flying off into it’s own realms. Or perhaps if we give it a big hug, it melts down?! Time to stay clear, connected to love, at all times.

 

Johanna Harmala

Living With Layers

The path to consciousness is a windy road, sometimes it feels like the more work I do on myself the deeper the layers that come up to be exposed and transformed. I take a big leap forward and feel like a power house and then moments, hours, days, weeks or months later the opposite feeling comes up, bubbling to the surface like a whirlpool that wants its filter to be cleaned out so that it can operate to full capacity again.

After years of working on myself on a deep cellular level, purifying myself and those old ancestral and cultural mind-sets and behaviour patterns I am realising that I need to expect this. This is part of the healing process, it is my role as part of the clean up crew, karma-burning old patterns sometimes not only for myself but for the collective or for people around me who may not be so in touch with what they are feeling all the time. And that´s ok, my job is to allow it, to not make a problem or drama out of it or think that there is something wrong with me because I am not always feeling connected and on top of the world.

The hardest thing to do is to stay in gratitude at times like this, when the next skin of the onion gets peeled back and is exposed, real, raw and vulnerable. I am learning to say   ¨Thank you Great Spirit for these feelings; I hold them all open to you and I thank you for bringing them to the surface so that I can embrace them and so that you can transform them.¨ The process of divine alchemy it seems is an evolving and never ending one. And the clearer your channel is the more the universe can use you to do its Divine work.

Living with layers can be challenging and what is most challenging for me sometimes is to stay positive and to see the bigger picture. Taking a big step backwards is part of the process at times as the light knows we are ready and have enough structure to dig deeper and get right into the heart of those cobwebs and deep old murky crevices that have been repressed sometimes for centuries. It needs us to go back in there with a big light hose before we can take the next leap forward again, which in time we will.

So the layers come and go but the light remains. It´s important for me not to make these feelings too real or to identify with them too much, they are just passing through; these layers that I have come here to transform. They are part of me and they need love, sweetness and patience too.

My wise teacher (Don Hanson, founder of Transforming Cellular Memory) who I have studied with for the past 18 years has often said that the more we progress on our journey that is when the cancers can come out. The layers that hold on so tightly we never knew were there come out of the darkness and into the open to be healed. And there is nothing wrong with this, no matter how painful it feels or what it looks like. I am not a failure, I am just going deeper I remind myself again and again.

It takes great trust to live a life filled with layers and to do this consciously. It´s not for the faint hearted that´s for sure! But the older I get the more I respect those people who are doing their diligent work by sticking with their feelings and moving into trust anyway. Even sometimes when there life seems to be falling apart, they hold onto the light, onto the bigger picture, onto the deepest feeling of blind faith and trust that the intelligence of the universe knows what it is doing and where it is taking them.

I think many of the great masters embody this, they never stop evolving and embracing and living with these layers, they just know not to take it personally and they know that ultimately they are being cleared out even more to shine even brighter.

This is a great structure that the universe gives us, to keep us on our toes. To keep us in surrender, and to allow itself to work through us even more effortlessly. Even through the deepest suffering and feelings of death we learn to welcome these layers as God too, knowing that the light is graduating us to a whole new level if we can just hang in there and let those layers pass on through.

It is a blessing and a curse but boy I wouldn´t have it any other way. I have come to realise that living a conscious life is not just handed to you on a platter, you have to commit to it and then work your ass off some times and dig right into those dirty trenches to uncover the gold.

I have no idea if these ¨layers¨ will ever stop coming, but I do know that it gets easier over time as I learn to allow them and to be grateful for them. We are all sweet beautiful loving human beings with unique talents and gifts and all these layers are doing is helping me to get closer to the truth of whom I am.

So the layers come and go but the light remains.

Love is the highest vibration in the universe, anything else is just what´s getting out of the way.

Ciara Kirby, April 2017

 

 

What way to go?

It is a jungle out there. How do we know what way to go? Among millions of decisions which ones do we take? How do you succeed in manifesting something you love – or do you? Is it just chance or pure reason that leads us? 

We can just do what we are told to or copy what most people around us seem to be doing. We can do our best so we look the same as every one else, to have a good job, to have a normal family life, to tint our hair as they suggest in Vogue, to make sure to buy the latest high tech phone, to party at the weekends and go to the gym week days, to stay tuned to current trends – but secretly feel bored and empty, hoping maybe the next relationship, car or travel will fill the void.

Do we just fit in and keep it all nice and safe without feeling too much? Okay, it is allowed to smile on Fridays but keep it cool otherwise. In fact it is better to stay numb and definitely invulnerable. Like robots we become very effective and controlled – and life goes on.

When we step out of the norm and listen to something deep within life starts to feel risky and tantalizingly alive. By facing our fears we get to feel nervous, excited and out of control. At times it feels like being the ugly duckling among the swans or going against the grain. At times you might feel like singing and dancing in the rain while everyone else is looking at Madmen on TV.

How delicious! This is when life starts to feel exciting. This is when you start to come alive. And this is where some structure or guidance is helpful. The old rules don’t apply in this world. It doesn’t matter what anybody else says. It is not the trends anymore that lead your steps.

Now it is time to start listening very carefully to that quiet voice inside. Sometimes it whispers and if you ignore it enough, it will shout. You start feeling more, sensing in your gut, tuning into energy. Is there energy in going to visit my neighbor? Does it feel heavy and depressing or expansive inside of me? Is there any energy in what this teacher is saying or is it just a bunch of intellectual words thrown in the air? How does it feel energetically to spend an evening with these cynical people? What makes me feel alive and what makes me tired?  There is a lot to explore and it takes practice to fine tune to energy.

When you become more aware of energy the next step is to back up your knowingness with action. And sure we need to play things out and rub our noses in some heavy-duty situations to finally say no thanks and walk on. Make your so-called mistakes – often repeatedly – until it becomes too painful.

We start to gain self-love by making better choices.

Personally one rainy winter when I lived in Ireland not much was happening in my life, I was feeling a little depressed. I happened to see online a small video of a five day retreat in Hawaii. I got a strong feeling of love and excitement. It sounded a bit crazy but I ended up going to Hawaii for three months and had one of the most amazing and nurturing times of my life. Or when I came to check out if Costa Rica could be a place I would like to live in I was feeling so much fear about possibly buying property and how would I know how to do it all. Yet something inside me kept me going forward and feeling out different locations. By the end of my three-week stay of following the energy I eventually stepped onto a piece of land I totally fell in love with. Pure energy was pouring through my body like I was hit by a lightening, tears streaming down my face – and I knew, this is it, this is even more than I have dreamt of. This is where my jungly home and retreat center Living Forest is now.

When daring to follow our own energy, how ever vulnerable it might feel inside, it can be surprising where the energy brings us!

The universe seems to favor those who follow something greater than the norm. The language of the universe is energy. When we follow this energy and where it is pulling us a whole new map appears in front of us that guides us step by step into a greater and more expansive place that we didn’t even know existed.

When I have a personal relationship with energy – with the universe – opportunities arise, there is an easier flow in life and I become a co-creator rather than a passenger of my reality. It turns into a love affair, when energy – or you could also call it the light – becomes my guide and my lover.  I pay attention to it, I listen to it, I nourish and love it, I feed it, I wash it clean. In return I feel in love.

Johanna Harmala

Bring me deeper into love

Have you felt a delicious sense of connection? Being immersed with a loving energy that melts your heart and nourishes you deeply?

Since a young age I have felt a deep longing in my heart that intensifies at times. I would look at the stars and feel such separation, like a feeling of being abandoned, a heartache that I couldn’t explain. In the normal world, although from the outside everything looked fine, I felt separate, I didn’t seem to feel fulfilled nor did I find enough connection or a feeling of belonging.

Maybe it is normal not to feel part of a world that is full of disconnection, selfishness and separation. Emptiness seems to be a normality. Religions have failed to fill this void for the most part. We try food and alcohol and drugs but with just numbing our longing it still stays underneath. We try sex and put our needs into our relationships but still the emptiness stays underneath.

This is where many people have started to search for alternatives. To look for connection and fulfillment by exploring healing and spiritual avenues. During our explorations we might get a glimpse of light filling the body, an immense joy and love expanding you open from within. Feeling centered and connected to ourselves and a sense of oneness with all. A lightness that we didn’t know was possible.

When you have had a taste of this pure love and light it feels so delicious you want to learn how to manifest it again. Meditation, yoga, healing circles, being in nature – there are many practices where you might start to feel the relationship with the divine.

I don’t know how it is for you but for me this connection with the divine is what intrigues me, what makes magic happen in every day life. It is what has me excited as I know there is so much to experience, so much to learn, so much to awaken and embody. This is a relationship well worth nourishing and deepening.

So I say to the universe: love me deeper, love me more, bring me deeper into love! Because in my heart I carry the love of the universe bursting to fully love myself and others.

Johanna Harmala

Life is for Dancing

The Universe is in constant motion and it is my job to move with it. Whenever I feel depressed or exhausted in my life it is usually because I have become passive or am holding back my energy in some way. My cells (all fifty trillion of them!) love to move and groove and dance and express themselves in so many different ways.

Being in motion is moving with the rhythm of life moving through me. The more I move, the more I want to groove!

The more I move into life the more life moves into me. The more action I take, the more energy I have.

There is an endless stream of life force energy available to me when I am in motion. The universe is always prompting me to take action and follow my passion and excitement. And it is my responsibility to respond by being in motion and taking the risk
to move forward in order to face my fear and play my edge of aliveness. When I wait I literally put on weight!

I was not designed to be passive or to hold back in anyway. Hell NO!! That’s just all the fear and shame based conditioning of world mind. My Divine birthright is to shake my beautiful bootie and dance. Life is too short not to! It is about grabbing life by the vagina because there is nothing proper about me. I have come here to break the rules, to make mistakes, to go for life, passion, creativity, sexuality, connection and love…ALL THE WAY!

 

I mean why else am I here if it is not to express the Divine within me in my own unique way. If there is such a thing as a sin it is to control this light and hold it back.

When I am constantly in motion there is truely no time for problems, processing, analysing or drama..why? Because I am too busy dancing and creating more and more abundance, love and connection by allowing the light to move through me. And yes it is that easy!! It doesn’t matter what age we are or what we look like because in every moment we always have the choice to stop thinking and waiting, and just get up and dance!!!

May 2016 Ciara Kirby ( previously published in The Divine Love Affair Blog )

Even Monsters Need Love Too!

Sometimes on the challenging days I can actually see the heavy cloak of self-hatred all around me. It is like a  shadow begins to fill the room and I feel a sense of dread as though I am going to be overcome by some terrible demonic monster. The monster has a special power of draping darkness wherever it goes. And it is clever, it knows where I live so no matter how far I try to run or how much I try and hide or numb it out it has my address and it will find me wherever I go. I have travelled all over the world so believe me I know!

When it begins to take over the sense of dissatisfaction is overwhelming, nothing feels right, there is no point in going on, and the negativity swamps me to the point of inertia. So heavy it dampens me down like a lead weight over my heart. Why when I have committed everything to the light, to you God, do I still have to deal with this shit! My resistance screams, I don´t get it, I thought I wouldn´t have to feel this anymore.

I can do it the easy way or I can do it the hard way, it is my choice.

If I resist the monstrous feelings will get LOUDER. More pain. STRONGER. More depressed, frustrated, anxious.

I am starting to realise that the things I see as my enemies, my monsters, uncomfortable feelings, emotions or situations are really aspects of the universe that are trying to get my attention so that I can transform myself and bring more consciousness, self love and light into my body, into my life and into these neglected parts of myself.

The saying that what we resist persists is so true. And what we perceive as the monster could actually be God, the universe in disguise!  In fact these parts of ourselves that we deem to be so unlovable; the shame, the self hatred, the feelings of ugliness and self judgment, they need us to love them even more and even harder. They have been love deprived for so long that these little monsters are crying out for a kiss and a cuddle and a snuggle.

We are deeply programmed to resist and conceal our deepest feelings and vulnerability, especially those parts of ourselves that we feel ashamed of, until we have no choice but to create a secret self that may eventually be even a secret to us.

My wise teacher says that as we get older the cancers start to come out, the deep-rooted feelings that lie at the core of us. When we resist and are afraid to embrace what we feel we distance ourselves from the flow of life force energy and the potential to heal. We deny ourselves the opportunity to connect on a deeper level to ourselves, to reality, to God, to love, to our family and to our friends.

So I am learning to welcome the monsters of self-judgment when they come. I am learning to see them as a blessing. To meet this monster as I would an old and trusted friend, to invite it in and to co-operate with it, give it a kiss and a hug and a cup of hot chocolate or tea, knowing that it is looking for me only because it wants to bring me even deeper because I am ready for the next layers. I am ready for more self-love. I am ready to become more fearless and move into deeper surrender and trust. As I do this more and more I am learning to find peace. It is a daily practice of radical self love, loving all of myself; the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

Remember even monsters need love too!!

Ciara Kirby, March 2016

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Good reminder for us all! We tend to take life so so seriously. Maybe if I just allow myself to relax a little more and stay open and present in the moment, funny little moments occur, more smiles, more play.

 

The Divine within me

What “Falling in Love with the Divine” is for me?

Personally my first step is to recognize my own divinity, to say yes to it, to open up to it and to feel it. This itself is a challenge as I grew up within a mindset where divinity was seen as religious “gaga- talk”, which had nothing to do with reality. God is for old or sick people, otherwise ignored. Spirituality was not a popular subject around me. Even saying I have the divine in me feels like coming out of the closet. Falling in love with the divine is a step further into madness. And yet I am tired of denying this part of myself. It should be seen as a natural state, not a sickness or rarity. So perhaps I will be judged as crazy or troubled but I proudly announce: I am a divine being, a spirit with a body.

I have always been curious about the divine and explored it. I have got a taste of the light deep within, the universal wisdom coming through and the energy of love. I have experienced immense healing energies running through my body and witnessed others being touched by this same energy. I have dedicated years of my life to learning about energy and how the universe works. I have built a relationship with the light. Yet I confess that I have been somewhat secretive about this, gripped with a fear of being judged and alienated. I wouldn’t say that the fear is completely gone, but in spite of it, I make my way forward. At this point on my journey anything else would be absurd.

My intention is to build a stronger relationship with the divine in me, to nourish it, to immerse myself in it. Falling in love with the divine is a journey, very real and yet mysterious. By feeling and sensing I let the guidance within direct me. Being present in the body, opening up more, I embrace what comes to me.

For me falling in love with the divine means valuing myself. With self-love I live my life each moment true to my own energy. It means facing my fears and limitations, letting go of resistance. It means saying yes to life and with gratitude meeting life’s joys and challenges, ugliness and beauty. When I am in love I serve the light, not taking everything so personally. It takes trust and dedication to build this relationship. This is what I am here to do. This is my purpose in my life.

There is a universe inside me – inside each one of us – full of vibrancy and potential. This juiciness is my guide and my lover. The divine love affair has me falling in love with it, over and over again.

I open myself to it.

I surrender.

I fall deeper, deeper in love with the divine within me.

 Johanna Harmala

 

 

Fall in love with yourself, Fall in love with the divine

Our intention is to recognize, honour and nourish the divine within us all. The light that sparkles through our eyes, the space deep within us where we feel totally connected to ourselves and to all beings. The love that pours through our hearts that makes our lives more magical and meaningful.

This website and blog is about exploring our unique relationship with the divine within. Where we build a friendship and love affair with it and where we become an active participant, a co-creator with the intelligence of the universe.

This is what we call falling in love with the divine.

Let´s nourish it, let´s practice self-love and gratitude and let´s find ways to make this connection stronger.

The universe manifests through us all in a unique way. We welcome your wisdom, insights, experiences, challenges and vulnerabilities about your own unique journey of falling in love with the light within you.

We have started this exciting new adventure to celebrate this aspect of ourselves and to commit to a daily practice of self-love and gratitude.

This is an exploration we feel excited about and if you do too, welcome!!

Let the self-loving begin….it´s time to fall in love with the divine within.

Your friends, Ciara & Johanna, XXX